Arrival: Subpar Sci-Fi or Liberal Propaganda? (Parody Article)

The Academy (the ultimate bastion of coastal elitism) has decided to reward Arrival with eight of its coveted nominations, including that of the 'Best Picture'. Many critics (Saul Alinsky included) have praised Arrival for it's 'cinematography" (I don't know what that is- neither does Real America), the performances of the lead actors, and the story. Let's correct the record.

Does this triangle mean
anything to you?

The story begins with Dr. Louise Banks, (a doctor of 'language', a useless degree from a college institution- speaking of which, have you heard about the liberal thugs who D E S T R O Y E D  U.C. Berkley? Click this link to donate all your life savings to the NRA to stop Obummer from coming back and taking your guns) as she struggles with the death of her child as a result of the Affordable Care Act. Because the President killed so many jobs, this poor woman has to resort to the low profession of academia in order to make ends meet. Suddenly, these giant stone things come from the sky, and without President Ronald Reagan's 'Star Wars', they are able to infiltrate our defenses and touch down in twelve places. The weak liberal President watches in horror as the nation falls into near anarchy, and Dr. Banks and Co. are humanity's sole hope to understand the illegal alien's methods of communis-communication.

The symbols the illegal aliens
 use to communicate 

Dr. Banks and Dr. Ian Donnelly, a professor of theoretical physics (fake science), eventually meet the aliens, and learn that they communicate through two different languages, so to speak. As opposed to English (the greatest language in the history of earth, only to be ruined by those socialists. cc: the National Health Service), where language composition reflects the sound of words, these aliens communicate through symbols, which have their own meaning.

Eventually, Dr. Banks discovers that the Aliens are here to give humanity a 'universal language' and to play into the hands of the globalist, UN backing neo-cons. This is where the film divulges from science fiction to reveal its true colors (Better Dead than Red, Am I right?) The universal language is an affront to American values. Are Americans expected to learn another language? Is this Hollywood subconsciously reinforcing the belief that honest, hardworking Americans should learn Spanish. I'll leave that to you (But the answer is yes) With a poor story, ludicrous characters, and a hateful message, Arrival doesn't even deserve any of the aforementioned awards.

Thank God for President Donald J. Trump, so this nightmare may never become a reality. If I was the Donald, I would shoot these things out of the sky. After all, what better way to expel tyranny then by exercising our Second Amendment Rights?  #MAGA

The Sound behind Silent Film

A musician plays the Mighty Wurlitzer for
a silent filmrer

[Revised] Silent films have well, always had sound, but until talkies were adopted by the five major studios in the late Twenties, it was simply never synchronized on screen. Sound was conveyed outside the production itself. The earliest theaters hired a local pianist or guitarist looking to make a quick buck to add as a sort of audio narration- making up tunes to match the tones of scenes, creating sound effects, and so on and so forth.

By the early teens, theaters, esp. those in wealthy suburban and highly trafficked urban areas, began to purchase massive organs called "Mighty Wurlitzers" (created by Rudolph Wurlitzer) which featured many different sound effects and musical melodies to compensate for the lack of an orchestra. Eventually, "epic" films such as Ben Hur and the Birth of a Nation featured actual scores, composed and shipped to the specific theater upon release.  Local musicians thrived during the teens and roaring 20s, but, when the Depression hit in the late 20s, it destroyed live music in cinema. Most theaters, those that were still open, anyways, couldn't afford to pay any longer, not to mention, by 1931, nearly 80% of all films released by Hollywood studios had synchronized sound.

Music has always played a part in film history, but one of the most common misconceptions about silent films is that they never had sound to go along with it, and that silent films were barely watchable as a result. Hopefully, I've provided some insight, and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.